Seexy Meets...Goku

SEEXY: Welcome to the first ever edition of ‘Seexy Meets…’ Today I shall be talking to the star of the show, Goku. Hopefully he will be willing to do an awful lot of talking, revealing many secrets of his trade. Perhaps he’ll even give us some advice on weight loss, if we’re really lucky. Anyway, let’s go into his house, and check things out. [Walks forward into a large garden, then knocks on a door, Goku answers it]

GOKU: What you want?

SEEXY: I would like to conduct an interview with you my friend.

GOKU: I’m not your friend! Yet, your face looks strangely familiar…you’re the one who was rooting through my trash aren’t you!

SEEXY: Erm…no, that was my…er…identical twin…who looks like me in every single aspect, height, size, weight, looks, we are…well…identical.

GOKU: Oh, that makes sense.

SEEXY [Under his breath]: Gullible fool. IQ of a six year old.

GOKU: Pardon?

SEEXY: Nothing, now let’s go in. [The two walk into the living room of the house, and sit down]

GOKU: So ask away, I’ll tell you anything.

SEEXY: What does Chi-Chi look like naked?

GOKU: I got some photo’s here somewhere…wait a second, why should I tell you?! You pervert!

SEEXY: Damn, he came close to falling for it too! Maybe next time. Well, anyway, I would like to say that you have a really nice home…but I would be lying blatantly, so I am going to skip the pleasantries, and just come out with it and tell you. Your house is quaint, untidy, and smells of cat piss.

GOKU: That would be because of Puar. The stupid little flea-ridden flying scum-bag visits with that overgrown retard Yamcha, although only occasionally, thank God.

SEEXY: Sounds as though you are close.

GOKU: Where’d you get that idea? I said I hated them both.

SEEXY: Shut up, just shut up, ok? You think you’re really clever, but you’re not you know! Think you’re really good for foiling my plans to make this into a sarcastic, witty interview. [Begins crying] It’s not easy interviewing your rolemodel you know!

GOKU: I’m your rolemodel? Wow, I’m honored. I’m sorry for saying what I did, I’ll go along with whatever you say from now on.

SEEXY: Ok, thank you. I appreciate it man. You are da bomb, da dogs bollocks, da piss in da wind, da dude, da…man!

GOKU: You said that last one twice.

SEEXY: You’re doing it again!

GOKU [Starting to cry too]: I’m sorry! I hate seeing others upset, it makes me upset too!

SEEXY: HAHAHAHA! You are an ass! I can’t believe you fell for the old crocodile tears routine! [Quickly takes photo of Goku crying] Now, what’s this picture worth?

GOKU: About 50p probably.

SEEXY: Don’t get smart with me!

GOKU: Huh?

SEEXY: Just shut up! Well, we’ll bargain for this later, but remember, your reputation will be destroyed if anyone sees this.

GOKU: No it won’t. I cried in front of the whole world when my grandfather took me to get my hair cut, I cried when Frieza said I was smelly, I cried when Cell said I had a big nose, and I cried when Krillen farted on my foot, lat night.

SEEXY: Shut up! You’re ruining the flow of this! Anyway, how did you get so darn strong?

GOKU: Must be my diet [Humorous laughing from the non-existent audience]

SEEXY: ……….

GOKU: It was a joke, a really funny joke.

SEEXY: ……….

GOKU: Alright, alright, it was really funny when FUNimation made me say it.

SEEXY: ……….

GOKU: What about if I keep on saying it over and over again until words lose all meaning? Will it be funny then?

SEEXY: Quite possibly.

GOKU: Ok. Did you know that dinosaurs still exist in this day and age of industrialization?

SEEXY: I’ve said this once, and I’ll say it again – shut up Goku! Now tell me, what is the secret to your strength?

GOKU: I’m not going to tell you now that you’ve been so mean. You could have been the strongest being in the universe, but you wasted your chance now you meanie! [Begins crying again]

SEEXY: Fine, I didn’t want to know anyway. Why is it then, that you look an awful lot like a cartoon character.

GOKU: Who told you that? I’m not a cartoon character…I’m a manga character.

SEEXY: Isn’t that like…the same thing?

GOKU: Leave me alone! [Begins crying even more] 

SEEXY: Fine, so tell me, how’s life?

GOKU: Is that an insult?

SEEXY: Oh God, blithering idiot, aren’t you?

GOKU: No, it was wasn’t it! When you asked how life is, then it was a metaphor to say that I smell of poo poo wasn’t it!

SEEXY [Sarcastically]: Yeah!

GOKU: That’s it, you upset me even more now! Feel the wrath of a Super Saiyan! [Turns Super Saiyan]

SEEXY: Oh yeah? [Turns Super Saiyan too]

GOKU: I didn’t know you were a Saiyan.

SEEXY: Oh, you gotta be a Saiyan in order to do that, sorry, my bad [Charges down from Super Saiyan, back to normal]. Well, I’ve…er…got to…go to…er….the toilet before my death.

GOKU: Oh, alright then, I’ll wait.

SEEXY: Just one thing first. [Kicks Goku in the shin, then runs out the back door. A car can be heard pulling out the drive, and pulling off. As it speeds away, a voice shouts over to Goku] You idiot! I’m out of here!

GOKU: Nice chap, shame I’m going to have to kill him. Anyway, I’ll just wait for him to come out of the toilets…

2 years later...........

GOHAN: Dad, there’s no one in the toilets.

GOKU: Yes there is son, he wouldn’t lie, no one ever does that.

GOHAN: Trust me dad, he tricked you, wait a second [Turns on TV] There, he’s even on TV, live!

GOKU: Wow, that’s impossible! He can't be in two places at once!

GOHAN [Slaps head]: Idiot! [Walks off]

GOKU: [Stares at bathroom door for the rest of his life]