'It's My Life!'

The Springer fans are chanting his name, on their feet giving a standing ovation, waiting for the man himself to walk through the curtain. As he does, a deafening cheer fills the studio. The audience are on their feet, waving their arms, chanting their Gods name. He shakes a few peoples hands, then walks over to the stage, and steps onto it. He speaks to his viewing audience on TV of millions, and his audience of about 50.
"Today's subject is 'My child is too young to fight' should be a good one." The fans chat and cheer upon the words coming out of Jerry's mouth. 
"Our first guest today is Gohan, the aforementioned kid, who is caught up in the middle of an argument between his parents. Lets bring out Gohan!" Springer says excitedly. From out back walks Gohan, in a smart little uniform, with his hair neatly combed. He has a demeaning look on his face. He takes a seat in the middle of the stage, and looks up at Jerry.
"Hi Gohan" Springer said understandingly. "I hear that your parents are fighting over you. Oh yeah, and why you got those pussy clothes on?"
"These s**t clothes are something that mom made me wear. This crappy hair is something my bitch of a mom made me comb." Said Gohan, thoroughly pissed. "They are f***ing fighting over me, and not letting me get a say! Stupid f***ing t***s!"
"How old are you Gohan?" Springer asked.
"8" Gohan replied obediently.
"You're 8 and you know all those swear words?! Where'd you learn all of those rude words!?" Jerry asked, unterly bewildered. 
"Dad's porn channel. It's got naked ladies at night, and violent movies with swearing and that s*** during the day. Anyway, dad don't mind me watching it. Mum does, the stupid bitch!" Gohan sneered.
"It seems like you show favouritism to your father" Jerry stated.
"Yeah, he's more lenient than my bitch-a** tit w*** of a mother that I have." Gohan answered.
"You seem to have lots of problems with your mom. Well, there is only one solution - Have a massive argument on public TV!" Jerry squealed excitedly, as the curtain moves, then is brushed to the side. Out walks Chi-Chi, fuming with rage. The audience wolf whistle at her, and Jerry seems to be checking her out too. She turns to them and gives such a stern stare that everyone shuts up immediately. She takes a seat next to Gohan, then holds his hand.
"Gohan, you must understand, I only want what's best for you." Chi-Chi said in a caring way. Gohan seems to be feeling joy when she says this, but he hides it.
"You are a s*** mom! I never get to do what I want! F***ing Dad gets to go out training, but I'm stuck inside with my crappy books! I want to f***ing train! I am one of the worlds strongest you cheap slut!" Gohan yelled. The audience cheer for him, laughing a little. Jerry looks a bit disturbed by Gohan's knowledge of bad language. 
"When you grow some hair on your pea shooter, then you can do what you want! Until then, you listen to me.......boy!" Chi-Chi yelled in her sons face. The audience clap, and laugh. shouts of 'you go Girl', and 'Tell it like it is sister!' come from the audience. Chi-Chi is looking furious. "If it wasn't for that b****** father of yours, you would have turned out ok!" 
"Shut the f*** for once whoare! If it wasn't for dad, then the f***ing universe wouldn't be safe! He rocks!" Gohan countered at his mom.
"He looks at f***ing porn all night! He never comes to bed because of that! We haven't done it in 9 months!" Chi-Chi said weakly.
"You and dad have sex?" Gohan says, amazed.
"We used to. I think you b****** dad is impudent now." Chi-Chi said through gritted teeth. 
"More than I wanted to know!" Gohan said, thoroughly disgusted. 
"Oh yeah Gohan, me and your dad used to have it off every night! Likes it rough does your father! But ever since he fought that Vegeta guy, he has hardly said a word to me!" Chi-Chi countered.
"Mom, let me be blunt with you.....shut the f*** up!" Gohan said subtly. 
"That's enough of that young man! I ought to kick your bitch-a** right here!" Chi-Chi yelled. 
"Do it" Gohan challenged. 
Chi-Chi stands up, smirking, then slaps Gohan across the face. Spit flies out of his mouth, then he starts laughing at her.
"Bitch slap!" he shouted, laughing at his mom trying to hit him. He dodges every slap with his speed, laughing at Chi-Chi, enraging her even further. The security guards finally intervene, splitting them up.
"You're lucky I let you off lightly Gohan" Chi-Chi said.
"Whatever bitch" Gohan answered. "I wish dad were here, he's not a dumb f*** like you are!"
"Well, as usual, that b****** father of yours is out 'saving the world', but I know that doesn't take him all that time! He goes to stripper clubs afterwards! I've had someone follow him before! He is a f***ing pervert! You father is a f***ing sick-ass perve!" Chi-Chi yelled. "He's probably at one of them now!"
"Ah, now Chi-Chi, that's where you're wrong. Lets bring out Goku!" Springer shouted, really getting into things. 
Goku walks through the curtain, with some stubble on his chin, looking like he hasn't shaved for a while. He struggles to walk in a straight line, swerving all over the place. He finally lands in the only remaining chair, with bruises all over his face.
"Goku, you look really bad! What happened, you been in another fight or something?" Springer said understandingly.
"Na, just got pissed out my head." Goku replied.
"Dad!" Gohan cried.
"Yo! Er.........I can't see proper at the moment. Remind who you are....." Goku struggled to say.
"I'm Gohan!"
"You sure? You look more like the other son we got.....forgot what his name is though." Goku said, hiccupping half way through.
"Goten you stupid f***!" Chi-Chi shouted.
"No, I'm Goku. Who's Goten?" 
"Your son!" replied Chi-Chi!"
"Oh! That's who the kid in the chair is! Hi Goten!" Goku said, in a babyish voice.
"I'm Gohan dumb-ass!"
"Oh yeah. Now I see, the nerdy hairstyle gives it away. You want to look like a f***ing p**** son?" Goku said. it is obvious he doesn't know what he's talking about now.
"The bitch made me do it." Gohan replied.
"Oh, Chi-Chi. Yeah, she's a slut." Goku agreed.
"She's your wife Goku" Springer reminded.
"So?" Goku sounded as if Springer had no point.
"Well, how can you call your own wife a slut?" Jerry asked.
"Just don't emphasize on any of the letters, and it should sound alright. Hey, do I know you? I know I've seen you before.....you're Freeza aren't you! And you, the guy at the camera, you're Cell aren't you!" Goku said hysterically.
"Oh s***!" shouted Jerry and the cameraman. Before anything happens though, the security guards pull Goku down back to his chair. He starts laughing like a drunk man (Probably because he is drunk!)
Chi-Chi looks towards Goku, and stares deep into his eyes. "How can I stay mad at those puppy eyes?" she says softly. 
"Aw, thanks for forgiving me Bulma." Goku said. "Now give me another kiss."
"I'm Chi-Chi!"
"Who cares, you're both ugly wenches." Goku said under his breath.
"What did you say?" interrogated Chi-Chi.
"Nuthin you old bag." replied Goku. 
"Mom, stop being a bitch! Come on dad, I'll help you out of here." Gohan said. He lifts his dads arm round his shoulder, and drifts out with him. Chi-Chi is left sitting there, clueless.
"Those two assholes! They'll be begging for forgiveness by tomorrow. When Gohan is stuck on one of those fire hydrants he always humps, and when Goku is high on 'E', they'll turn to me, and I'll do the same thing I always do - Laugh in their s*** faces!" Chi-Chi says. She gets up, and walks out.
"Well, now it's time for my final thought" Jerry said. "When people argue, no-one wins. When mother and father argue, everyone loses. It is in the kids best interest for him to run away from home, and pay an assassin to kill his parents. Thank you for watching." Springer concludes, before he goes round shaking everyone's hand. 
"And...........Cut!" a cameraman says. Jerry takes off his wig, and wipes his bald head with a handkerchief. 
"F***ing insane s***heads! And the people watching at home swallow this s*** too. They are almost as f***ed up as the people in here! Hey, why's the red light flashing on the camera, doesn't it mean it's still........on?" Jerry said worried. 
"Oops." said a worried voice from behind the camera.
"S***, you asshole, I told you to turn it off! I'm gonna kick your bitch-ass across the floor you f***ing s***!" Springer shouted, as the camera fades to black.