Goku's Batchelor Party

A roofless Ferrari is speeding down the motorway at an incredible speed, almost knocking all the other cars off the road. Inside this Ferrari are three grown men, all looking extremely excited. The night is young, and it looks like it will be eventful for these guys. The car pulls up at a club with loud music, and flashing lights. Looking up at the sign, the oldest of three reads it out loud. "XXX Bar". He smiles, then walks on in. The three men are now easily recognized, standing under the flashing light. Goku, Krillen and Master Roshi are there, beaming as they walk through the large doors of the club. They pay for seats right next to some of the dancers, and go to sit down.
"Goku, this is gonna be one hell of a bachelor party!" Krillen laughed as he sat down. 
"Yeah, and it looks like this'll be the only one that any of us will ever go to, unless Yamcha and Bulma get married" Goku said, gazing up at the dancers, who are moving up and down a pole.
"What's the meant to mean?" Krillen and Roshi questioned at the same time.
"Well, look at you two, ones an old fart, who spends all his time looking at porn, and the other is a weak, short, bald-headed goon. You don't hear anyone saying how they like them short and bald, or senile and old do you? It's always the tall, dark mysterious types like me!" Goku answered.
"The only thing mysterious about you, is how you managed to fail that IQ test you took" Krillen answered angrily.
"It was really hard!" Goku replied.
"Goku, the test was for four year olds, and you didn't even obtain the point for spelling your name right, because you somehow managed to spell the four-lettered word wrong!" Krillen said mockingly.
"G-O-K-K-U! See, I can spell it!" Goku replied, looking angry. Krillen and Roshi almost start crying because of the laughter that they are emitting. The worlds strongest man can't even spell his own name. "Shut up you two!" Goku shouted.
The dancers have now started going into some sort of routine dance. They are taking off their tops……now their skimpy skirts…..the dancers are totally naked, and coming Goku's way. The saiyan smiles, and raises his eyebrows. One of the dancers turns round, and starts to shake her rear end it Goku's direction. He makes a grab for it, but Roshi hits his hand, showing him how it's done. He calls the dancer over, and slips her a $5 note, making her bend right down for it. Goku pushes Roshi out the way, and starts to stare at the dancer.
"Man, she's way better looking than Chi-Chi!" Goku remarked.
"What are you talking about Goku? Chi-Chi is going to be your wife you idiot! You can't have second thoughts now, you're getting married tomorrow!" Krillen stated.
"You can have Chi-Chi, I don't want her any more" Goku answered.
"Now Goku, lets not be too hasty, I mean look at Krillen, he isn't experienced enough with women to handle Chi-Chi. Let me have her" Roshi pleaded. Goku smiles, and then answers:
"You can both have her, I'm sure she won't mind" Roshi and Krillen jump up and down, laughing as they have finally got a girl. Goku turns to the dancers once more, and is fixated on one particular one. This one comes towards her, with a look of pleasure on her face. Goku smiles, and raises his hand towards her. He makes a grab for something, and gets it.
"This is a really nice bracelet you know. Must have cost you a lot of money. I have been looking at it all night!" Goku exclaimed. "Please can I buy it off you, it would make a great present for my wife-to-be."
The dancer takes the bracelet off him, and slaps the saiyan across the face. Thinking that this was an invitation to fight, Goku launches a KameHameHa at her, shooting her through the wall. Roshi tells Goku off, then they get back to watching the petrified dancers, as if nothing ever happened.
"This is boring" Goku said.
"You change your mind way too much Goku! First you didn't want Chi-Chi, then you was going on about how you wanted to get her something, now your saying how this place has suddenly got boring, you are really a complete idiot, you know that?" Krillen mocked.
"Shut up cue ball!" Goku countered. "This place has no class, I mean, can't we go to a place with sophistication?" 
Shocked at Goku being able to say such a long word, Roshi and Krillen are speechless.
"You do know what sophistication is don't you?" Goku asked in a mocking tone. Krillen and Roshi nodded, still totally awe stricken. "I'll tell you anyway to prove I'm not stupid! It is where there are clowns and candy floss and stuff." 
Roshi's face went bright red, then he burst out laughing, unable to stop. Krillen joins in, so Goku goes off in a sulk.
"I'm outta here" the saiyan said. "Screw you guys, you fuckin Arabs"
"Wait, Goku" Krillen said, trying desperately hard to contain his laughter. Lets go get pissed, that's always fun.
"I never got pissed, what does it mean?" Goku asked, looking stupid once again.
"It means drunk bonehead!" replied Roshi.
"Wow! Have you guys ever gotten drunk?" Goku interrogated.
"Welllll…er….no. Not yet. Came close once though. Almost bought myself a beer, but I didn't have any money" Krillen said, making Goku chuckle. 
"I have" Roshi declared. "Many a time"
"You lie" Krillen says.
"Ok, I never even been in a bar." Roshi said, upset at the others finding this out. 
"Do 'sophistications' have bars?" Krillen asked, making fun of Goku. 
"No" Goku replied, not realizing that his short friend was making fun of him.
"Goku, it's called a circus, not a sophistication, I was making fun of you!" Krillen laughed.
"Go get a boner over Bulma!" Goku countered.
"How…how do you know about me and Bulma?" Krillen asked, totally bemused.
"Ha! I saw you last night, behind the bushes….with Bulma, and you weren't wearing any clothes" Goku laughed.
"Shut up! Don't tell anyone about this Goku! It was a fling, a one night stand!" Krillen said.
"One question, how did you get Bulma to go with you?" Roshi asked.
"Easy, just gave her a hallucination drug, and she thought that I was Yamcha." Krillen answered deviously.
"Interesting….where can I get this drug?" Roshi asked.
"I got the address of the place written down at home, I'll give it you when we get there." Krillen answered. Roshi is smiling in a perverted way now.
"Yes, I know all about you going to Bulma about that weird spot on your upper thigh." Goku continued. "Don't try to hide it Krillen!"
"Er…..yeah, that's what we were doing" Krillen said nervously.
"Goku, haven't you listened to a word that we have been saying?" Roshi asked.
"Yep, I knew all along" Goku merrily continued.
"Obviously not." Roshi said.
"Couldn't fool me eh Krill? Not as dumb as I look am I?" Goku laughed, thinking that he is some sort of genius.
"Enough of this anyway, lets go get pissed!" Roshi shouted. 
Krillen and Master Roshi grabbed Goku, who was still talking about how he knew about Krillen going to Bulma about the spot, then sped off into the distance.
They stopped again at an old bar, with a wooden sign that hung off. Many drunks lay around the place, singing little melodies to themselves, and staggering around. Goku, Krillen and Roshi sit down at the bar, and order their drink. 
"I'm going to be really bad, and have an orange juice!" Goku said evilly.
"Oh, I see, starting small, and building your way up eh?" the barman said.
"Er…..no. Orange juice, and don't go easy on the orange!" Goku demanded.
"Don't worry about him Mr Barman, he's an idiot" Krillen explained. "Please can I have pint, and Roshi will have one too, won't you Master Roshi?"
"Erm….yes, I think I will" replied the trainer. 
5 minutes later, the barman returned with the drinks, he gave them all to their respective people, and watched as they drank up. Goku took a sip of his orange juice, and fell back off his chair. He starts to dance around, singing about a little green elf. Goku staggers into a pile of glasses, knocking them all down, shattering on the floor. This doesn't concern him at all though, as he starts to dance on the glass, hiccupping every now and again, with a weird look in his face, and a goofy smile across his face.
"Did you spike his drink damnit!" Krillen asked, enraged.
"No, that's just watered down orange juice. First time I ever seen anyone get drunk on anything but beer before" the barman answered.
"Ok, Now I'll race you to drink the beer Roshi. After three…….one………two………………three go!" Krillen shouted.
Roshi got off to a slow start, because of the way Krillen suddenly blurted out the last number. Krillen gulps it down as fast as he can, but constantly pauses to take a breath. Roshi drinks his fairly fast, but can't quite keep up with Krillen. They both finish, with Roshi in a very close second. Krillen smiles, then collapses on the table.
"Not very good drinkers are they" the barmen proclaimed to Roshi.
"No, not like me. Now, please can you give me a Gin and Tonic" Roshi said groggily.
"I dunno, if you're anything like your friends, then you'll be out after the first sip" the barman replied, watching Goku's continuous dancing.
"Don't worry about me!" Roshi said merrily. "I'm just fine!" 
"Ok then, I'll fix you one up" the barman said reluctantly. 

***********************

2 minutes later, after Roshi's gin and tonic…………

Roshi has his head on the bar, muttering foolish things. He pulls himself up, and only being able to open one eye, he says to the person next to him:
"I been wanting to tell you off for years! *Hiccup* Problem is, I never got the chance!"
The person sitting next to Roshi looks at him in a queer way. "I never even seen you before!"
"Don't give me that old excuse! We both knew that it would come to this! I quit!" Roshi shouted at the man, who is totally bemused. The man gets up, and slowly walks away, with his walk turning into a run. Roshi smiles, sings a few lines of a song, then falls flat onto the bar, face first.
"The Green Elf Sit High Upon His Rock" Goku sang. The barman came up to him with a big club, and hit him over the back of the head with it, in an effort to knock him out, so that he would stop disturbing the customers. This only broke the club in two. Coming up with an idea, the barman made a drink of pure orange juice, and gave it to Goku. As soon as the saiyan had had a sip, he collapsed onto the floor.

**************
The next morning……….

Goku wakes up, lying on top of Krillen and Roshi. His head is throbbing, and he can hardly move. He is back home somehow, and, seeing a note on his bedside table, he crawls over to it, and picks it up. Krillen and Roshi wake up as he's reading it, and they too have the same problem. Goku picks up the note, and starts to read it out loud.
"Th…..Th….Th…." Goku said, but he is unable to focus due to the hangover and is his illiterate ways. Krillen grabs the paper and starts to read it himself.
"It says 'greetings' Goku, you idiot!" Krillen remarked. He then starts to read the note in full. "It says: 'Greetings customers. You all passed out quicker than anyone has ever passed out before, especially that tall, black haired one, he was a real sissy, anyway, I found your address in your pockets, so I took you home. I helped myself to money from out of your pockets to cover my cost. See ya. The barkeeper.' That bastard stole our money!" 
"Ow my head! Why does it hurt so much!" Goku complained.
"It happened when you're drunk Goku. It'll be gone by the end of the day." Roshi explained to him.
"Aw man, and I gotta get married today!" whined Goku
"Shut up Goku, at least you have a girlfriend, no-one will even go near me without getting drugged!" Krillen moaned.
"That's cuz your short, bald, noseless, and ugly Krill!" Goku laughed. Roshi joined in laughing, then eventually, so did Krillen.

And so ends our tail of Goku's bachelor party. You now know why he never drinks much in front of the camera. He got married, but was very groggy all through the service, and forgot most of what happened.