Big Brother - Week 3

DAY 1

The scene is set, a large house, filled with active, busy-minded people, attempting to taunt the last person to be kicked out of the house. An upset Tien slowly gathers his suitcase, a transparent tear trickling down his cold, hard face. He nobly walks up to Goten and Trunks, and pats them on the heads, to show that there are no hard feelings. The two kids smile, then kick Tien in the shins as hard as they can, knocking him to the floor, and making him cry even more. The two juveniles run off laughing with all their might, leaving Tien weeping in a crippled heap.

“Why do you always have to be mean to me?” Tien asked sensitively.

“Because you’re a twat” Goten replied. “Everyone thinks so, and everyone hates you.”

“Oh, thanks for clarifying that”

“No problem 3-eyes”

“Thanks. Say, will you be my friend?” Tien asked. “Please?”

“Ha, like I’d ever be seen with a looser like you! Get out of this house!” Goten answered, just as his father came in. Goten smiles towards his loveable dad, but Goku looks at him with disgrace.

“Dad? What’s wrong?” Goten asked, slightly scared.

“DID YOU TALK TO TIEN?!” Goku yelled in a mean way. “ANSWER ME! DID YOU?!”

“Yes dad, but I can explain!” Goten answered, cowering in fear.

“YOU DAMN WELL BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON, OR YOU’RE OUT OF THE FAMILY!”

“I was being rude to him, and me and Trunks made him cry.”

“Phew” Goku said, calming down. “That’s my boy. I’m sorry for ever doubting you.”

“Don’t worry dad.” Goten said cutely. “Now let’s go and rip Tien’s bollocks off.”

“Son, you’re a genius. You may come too Trunks, if you want.” Goku said, smiling.

“Thanks Mr Goku!” Trunks answered merrily, as they all walked up to Tien and…

CENSOR: “Sorry, but we will only put up with so much sick, ruthless, unintelligent humour, if you could even call it that, so I have been sent to put a stop to all of this. Anything even remotely harmful to children’s minds will be cut from this from now on. I think everyone owes FUNimation a big thank you for sending me, don’t you?”

The censor goes, and we see Tien on the floor in agony, his face bright red, and his hands holding what is left of his groin. We then see Bulma eating circular, meaty…ewww, sick!

CENSOR: “We cannot show this either, because it is incredibly brief nudity, which the children wouldn’t understand anyway.”

Just then, an energy beam shoots the censors head clean off, making it bounce a number of times before rolling to a stop.

“Maybe next time you wont censor out a show with Vegeta!” Roared the Saiyan prince.

“Nice one dad! you’re the best!” Trunks said in awe.

“Thanks son, I try. Now…let’s go pick on Bulma the testicle muncher.”

“Good plan!” Everyone shouted at the same time. Goku, Vegeta, Trunks and Goten all ran off towards Bulma, with evil intentions. Seeing what was happening, Gohan, Krillen, and Piccolo decided to join in. They grabbed Bulma, and hung her up by her legs, pretending that she was a piñata. After an enjoyable bit of hitting her with a bat, she was left to dry, with blood pouring down her face.

“I feel real bad now” Gohan said reluctantly.

“She would have done the same thing to us kid” Piccolo responded.

“No, not that, I mean I feel ill. I have got a headache.”

“That’s what pot’ll do to ya kid.”

“I Suppose so Mr Piccolo. What say we go throw bricks from out windows at old ladies?”

“Kid, you never fail to amaze me with these fantastic plans. Let’s go!”

And so the day ended, with assault on both Bulma and old Grannies, and Tien moving his sorry behind out.

DAY 2

Goten and Trunks are casually viewing magazines with explicit pictures of women in 'interesting' poses, happily pointing out the size of their breasts, and the way in which they are so good looking. They both drool at the mouth, content at what lies before them. Footsteps are heard echoing down the corridor, sending the two Saiya-lings into a state of supreme panic. They dash around, gallivanting with fear, until they finally manage to hide the dirty magazine under their pillow. In storm Goku and Vegeta, looking irate.

"Alright, tell me! Where is it?" Roared Vegeta.

"Where's what father?" Trunks asked innocently.

"We can sense it boys, now just tell us where you have hidden it, and we'll confiscate it and be on our way." Goku replied in a strict tone. Thinking fast, Goten came up with a shrewd plan.

"Trunks made me do it, punish him, not me!" 

"Shut up you idiot" Trunks said angrily, before hitting his best friend in the nose.

"Now we end this!" Goten roared, attacking Trunks. The two battle one for a few seconds before their respective fathers pull them away from one another.

"Vegeta, we can sense it, remember?" Goku pointed out.

"Oh yeah, not come on Kakarot, we have to use all of our Super Saiyan powers for this". The two Saiyans stride around the room, with their eyes narrowed, searching for it. Goten and Trunks sweat madly, with their fingers crossed in the hope that their favourite magazine will not be discovered. It is all in vain though, as the two adult Saiyans' sensing prowess lead them to the boys' pillow. 

"It's here" Vegeta said, pointing out the obvious.

"No Shi..."

CENSOR: Sorry, but I have no choice other than to censor out this next word.

"...Sherlock" Goku finished, with everyone looking confused.

"What happened to that word you said Kakarot?" Vegeta pondered out loud.

"I know" Trunks said, and shot a beam straight past his fathers head, hitting a little scrawny man with a little black sign with the word 'censor' written on it.

"Oh, well done son. I though we killed him yesterday though" Vegeta stated in a confused way.

"Never mind," Goku said "Anyway, back to this magazine." He lifts up the pillow and makes the find, picking it up, and staring at it. Vegeta then joins in, closely followed by Goten and Trunks.

"Yeah, Gohan, Piccolo and Bulma don't know what they're missing!" Goten proclaimed, as they all began mindlessly giggling at the 'boobies'.

DAY 3

An early rise for the group, as they all proceed downstairs to participate in their daily food fest. Scoffing the food down, they all eat gluttonously like pigs...all except for Bulma that is, who stares lusciously at Krillen, ready to seduce him when the opportunity arises. She doesn't get the chance for a while though, as he was protected by his friend Goku. He did stray to he toilet alone though, which turned out to be a big mistake.

The door shuts, and in walks Krillen, to use the 'excretion clinic'. He sits down, 'dropping some mates off at the pool', before finishing, and 'cleaning up' (Alright, alright, enough slang). He opens up the door, and is ambushed by the awaiting Bulma, who dives onto him, and begins planting her lips all over him. He desperately tries to struggle, but accidentally kicks the door shut. Only muffled gags can be heard from the toilet, as Krillen tries to kick and scream, but Bulma is too much for him. Gohan walks past, and hears the muffled cries, putting his ear to the door.

"Who's in here?" asked the young boy.

"It's me! Krillen! Help me Gohan!" Shouted the bald midget. 

"Don't worry, I'm here for you Krill. Now just relax, and let them drop out, don't force it."

"What the...?"

CENSOR: I cannot allow any more of this senseless humor! It's not even funny! Now I have to censor this out because I am a boring old fag.

"I thought we sent you to HE...HE...HE..HFIL yesterday! What happened to my voice, I can't say HE...HE...the REAL word for HFIL!"

CENSOR: There are many of us. And our latest equipment doesn't allow one to use words censored out by us.

A huge energy beam comes and kills the censor. Piccolo stands with his hands outstretched, and smoke rising from it. He has a beer in his other hand, and immediately begins drinking it.

"Thanks Mr Piccolo" Gohan said enthusiastically. "That guy was really getting on my nerves.

"No problem...kid" Piccolo replied, wobbling round the room and slurping even more beer. "Good bye magic pixie kid"

"Oh that crazy Namek!" Gohan laughed, as everyone else joined in, in a classic Brady Bunch-style moment. "Anyway...where was I...?"

Muffled screams come from the bathroom.

"Ah yes, I remember, come on Krillen, constipation isn't all that bad. If relaxing isn't working, give one final push, concentrate all your energy into it, and force it out." Gohan smiled, trying to get his friend through it. 

Suddenly, Krillen broke out of the door, gasping for air, with smearing lipstick all over him. He slaps Gohan across his face, then sees Bulma get up, and run after him. She is totally stark naked, but conveniently a stray hair off Gohan's head covered it all up.

"Help me!" Krillen screamed in fear.

"Heh, daddy's friend and Bulma are playing kiss chase." Gohan smirked.

"Please, someone! I beg of you. Help me!" Krillen said, completely sincere.

"Come here my pretty" Bulma cackled like an old witch.

The day goes on with Krillen running and cowering in fear, scared out of his wits, hiding from Bulma the seducer. One other note worthy of mention took place though. 

In a dark room sits Piccolo, gasping, and sweating badly. His hand goes up and down, as he enjoys every second of it. Vegeta and Goku walk in, insulting each other with some great comebacks, to catch him.

"Oh my god, he's spanking the monkey!" Exclaimed Vegeta.

"No need for such slang..." Goku replied.

"No Kakarot, he really is spanking the monkey!"

Piccolo sits with a monkey on his lap, smacking its rear, with a grin on his face, displaying how completely out of it he is. He hiccups, then takes one final swig of his beer, says hello to his "magic dragon" friends, then collapses on the floor, a stupid grin on his green face.

"Whoa, he's wasted!" Goku noted.

"You're not kidding Kakarot!" Vegeta exclaimed.

"Wanna go chase birds?" Goku pondered.

""Damn straight" Vegeta answered. "It's funny because we're fast enough to catch them and skin them."

"You skin them?" Goku asked, slightly concerned.

"Er...yeah, don't you?"

"Heh, course I do! I was only having you on!"

"Oh you silly billy you" Vegeta replied, before giving Goku a friendly flick on the chin with his fist.

And so the day ended, with most things going back to normal, as they usually do. The one thing that stayed the same was the fact that Bulma chased Krillen all night, with amazing stamina, and some how something always covered her up, including air spontaneously combusting, and a branch that seemed to come from no where.

DAY 4

The morning after comes, and Piccolo has one major hangover. He lies in bed groaning, holding his head in agony. His best friend, Gohan, wanders round, smoking the usual. His eyes are drowned out, and for a small boy, Gohan looks pretty stoned. Piccolo decides sleeping would be the best thing, so he does so for the rest of the day. Bored, Gohan decides to venture forth outside his room for the first time in a while. He looks around, and sees nothing of interest until he spots a large degree of white, fine powder on the table. With a sly grin on his face, he picks up a straw that was conveniently near by, and begins sniffing contently. 

After a short time, his face is bright red, and he is having trouble breathing. He staggers off, holding his head, and coughing the white powder that he sniffed. A mans voice comes into range...it's Krillen's.

"Where has all the flour and sugar gone?" He wonders out loud. Gohan hears this, and runs into the bathroom, being sick. He comes out about half an hour later, looking very queasy, and hobbling around.

"I sniffed flour and sugar?!" He finally said. "Damnit! I was wondering why it felt so weird!"

AUDIENCE (Laughing): Oh that zany Gohan!

CENSOR: Sniffing things in this manner should not be allowed. It implies that you are encouraging drugs.

"Kids, don't do drugs." Gohan said, before beginning to smoke on a cigarette packed full of weed.

CENSOR: You're acting by example now!

"Shut up you bitch!" Gohan shouted, then launched a masenko at the censors head, blowing it clean off. "Hey, Seexy, you're stupid, this isn't funny anymore!" He yelled again, before a big giant pencil with a rubber at the end, suddenly appears in front of him. "Dear God no! Please don't rub me out! I'll do anything! I apologize!" Gohan screamed, before running away, and turning the corner, accidentally running into Bulma on the way. She grabs him, and is about to kiss him, when Goku comes, and kicks her in the face.

"Drop my son!" He shouts. She begins to back off, walking only into Vegeta and Trunks, who stand ready to attack. Krillen and Goten then seal off the other exits, meaning Bulma is completely surrounded. "Now die!" They all charged in, and tried to attack her, but she lifted up her skirt just in time. Upon seeing this old, hideous, manky sight, everyone dives out the way, covering their eyes, and allowing Bulma to escape, but not before planting a big wet one on Goten's kisser. The day went on with Gohan trying to get Bulma back for what she did to his brother, but to no avail.

DAY 5

A routine day, nothing really out of the ordinary happening. Monsters from outer space invaded the house only to be warded away by the houses residents. Also Bulma chased poor Krillen around the house for a long time, attempting to seduce him, with the midget pleading for help, but his cries were not heard, because everyone else was playing 'formulate the evil plan to get Bulma' game. Later on, in the evening, the best plans were put into action, as they finished plotting, and went out and 'walked the walk'. Bulma didn't have a good time, she was tortured until she couldn't move. The day ended with the routine sleeping - Piccolo collapsing on the bed, completely drunk as usual, Gohan passing out from being stone incredibly badly, Krillen hiding under the blankets from Bulma, the aforementioned woman smiling and dreaming of Krillen in a thong, and Goku and Vegeta went to bed by wearing themselves out from excessive sparring (and drinking) contests. 

DAY 6

The penultimate day of the week begins, and everyone charges down to eat breakfast, consuming it in seconds. Bulma sits in her usual place, eying up Krillen, just like she does everyday. The little bald midget sits contently, although a little uncomfortable about all this. Goten and Trunks watch the two mismatched people, laughing their heads off as it happens. Piccolo and Gohan slowly chew their food, then retire to their rooms. Today we will cover their progress, to give an example of what they do every single day.

Piccolo and Gohan sit on their respective beds, their eyes heavy, breathing in the smoke from Gohan's cigarette, and drinking great quantities of Piccolo's absolutely huge collection of drink. They laugh occasionally, for no good reason, and then they stagger around the room, before coming close to falling over.

"You know what kid" Piccolo said groggily. "I love you man! Give me a hug!" This is followed by a stupid laugh, and him spreading his arms out wide.

"Mr Piccolo" Gohan started, grinning like an idiot. "I wanted to say this since we met, but I never had the chance" More insane giggling. "I love you too man!" 

The two engage in a long hug, before attempting to give each other five, then falling onto the floor, flat on their backs. Goku and Vegeta walk in, and (Whilst laughing their heads off), they cure this little problem of the two drunken slobs, by feeding them raw coffee beans. They then run off laughing, trying to avoid the imminent regurgitating. Piccolo and Gohan roll onto their sides, then let out a powerful blast from their mouths, releasing last nights food, and much of the mornings beer, all in one gush of sick.

The day goes on, and Piccolo and Gohan finally become sober once more. They stagger around the house, sparring with each other, but unable to connect due to their incredible hangover. 

"Piccolo, I can't see where I'm going, my vision in clouded by this incredible migraine" Gohan complained.

"I know the training is tough now kid, but it'll make you a lot stronger, and help you recover from getting drunk before an important battle." Piccolo replied, with his head in an equal amount of pain.

"ARGH! My head!" Gohan yelled, before releasing an insanely powerful Masenko at Piccolo, and knocking both he and his trainer into a state of unconsciousness. 

When the two finally recover, it is night time. Everyone is getting ready to go to sleep, but Piccolo and Gohan are having a game of 'high five'. The object of the game is to hit the target with your hand, thus giving it a high five. The first one to do this wins. There was one slight stipulation to this though - Piccolo had insisted that getting drunk (Once again) before hand would make the training more effective, so neither of them could focus to make contact, eventually running out of energy, and falling into each other, slumping on the floor, and slowly falling asleep.

DAY 7

The final day of the week begins, and the race to see who will stay, and who will go begins.  At the moment it is looking as though it will either be Krillen or Bulma, but neither of them no this, so they cannot try to act a bit more audience-friendly. The house inhabitants have nicknamed each other with crazy names, such as Krillen the bald, and Bulma the slut. 

The day begins in a slightly different fashion to the usual one. It is mandatory that these people eat breakfast, because without the fuel to power them, there's no way they could possible get through the day. Goku races his son, Goten, to eat, turning Super Saiyan in an effort to increase his speed. Goten does the same thing, surprising everyone, and they begin. It takes a massive total of 0.0001 seconds for them both to finish. Knowing that there is no way to determine the winner, the two race each other to eat everyone else's food, with Goku's incredible speed, massive strength, and even bigger appetite making him the clear winner. They all laugh, and make fun of Bulma, before walking off to participate in their daily chores. 

Today the Big Brother camera's will focus on the duo of Goku and Vegeta. They politely wander down the halls, somewhat aimlessly. They constantly bump into things, falling hard on the floor. When their faces come into view, we can see why. They have a magazine in hand, with dirty pictures of women in. They are fixated on their respective magazines, and cannot remove their eyes from them, resulting in them crashing hard into the doors, and walls. 

"Wow! Kakarot, look at page 3!" Vegeta exclaimed. "Isn't that Chi-Chi?" Goku looked startled at this, and casually strolled over to see who the poser was. His face turned a bright red, and he began stuttering and mumbling.

"That's...err...well...I...I...I...err...it's Chi-Chi's long lost distant cousin, who looks just like her! Yeah, that's it!" 

"She looks like Chi-Chi to me, she's even got the same birthmark on her rear"

"How'd you know about that?" Goku asked angrily.

"Erm...it was a lucky guess?"

"Oh, in that case I'll let you off."

"Idiot."

"Pardon."

"Nothing. Hmm..." Vegeta said to himself as he turned the page. "No! Impossible! It can't be! There's just no way!"

"What is it Veggie old buddy?"

"I'm not your buddy Kakarot, and this nude poser looks a lot like you..."

"Let me see that..." Goku said curiously, as he gazed down on the picture of him, a two page spread. "Er...what's that over there?" Goku asked, pointing behind Vegeta.

"What?" Replied the Saiyan prince, jerking round to see what Goku was pointing out.

"Yoink!" Goku said, as he took the magazine from Vegeta's hands, ripped out the picture of him, and gave it back to his Saiyan counterpart.

"Hey! There was nothing there Kakarot you idiot!" 

"Oh, silly me. Anyway, what were we talking about?" Goku asked.

"This picture of...oh, it's got breasts now. Guess it was my overactive imagination" Vegeta answered confused.

"Heh heh heh" Goku giggled to himself, before casually strolling off.

And so another day ends, as the week comes to a close, and one person must be kicked out of the house. Will it be Bulma, with her avid love for the seduction of Krillen? Will it be Goku or Vegeta, with their competitiveness? How about Krillen, with his hilarious appearance? Could it be either one of the kids - Goten and Trunks, with their mischievous nature? We will soon find out...

>>> Go Back To Week 2