Flying Baboons

There's bound to be a number of reasons that you came here, some of you probably visited this link out of intrigue, some because of the stupid title, some because I threatened with physical violence if they didn't, and some because they are part of the phenomenal worldwide craze that is the Flying Baboons.

Let me tell you a little about how this incredible shrine started, so you can get to know what you'll be supporting if you do so wish. A few weeks back, during a long, tedious history lesson, me and my friend decided to make it more fun by answering every question by simply saying the word 'Baboon'. You can imagine the response received when I answered Baboon to the question of 'What is the Nationalist party?'. Anyway, I don't know why we chose Baboon, but hey, I'm glad we did, the shiny red-assed monkey is awesomely cool.

I think it was on a Thursday, I was bored out of my mind, so I thought that I might do some dreaded homework. Deliberating over what to do first, I consulted my timetable, which told me that History was coming up. This reminded me of the whole Baboon incident, and I relived it through my mind chuckling intently. I was also thinking about Genetic Engineering for some reason. Don't ask, my mind is weird like that.

I went to bed with those two thoughts fresh in my mind, and began to drift off. When I was in a deep slumber, an actual memorable dream came up, where there was a super smart Baboon, and I'm talking Stephen Hawkins smart, not just normal human intelligence. This incredible smart Baboon was doing something, I forget what, but some scientists decided to take some DNA samples with genes and stuff, followed by inserting them into a bird, not just any bird, but a magpie. why a magpie you ask? How should I know, I can't control my dreams, I don't even remember seeing one in years. Anyway, this magpie gave birth later on to a full sized black Baboon with wings. It was completely black, with the exception of its trademark red rear end, which remained just as shiny as ever. It also had some wings, I think they were white if my memory serves me correctly. I know it's dumb that the magpie gave birth to such a huge thing like a mammal would, but hey, it's not real, only a dream, so these things can happen.

Well this Baboon was born, and somehow it reproduced, not needing intercourse or anything, but automatically doing it, and giving birth to many baby Baboons with wings. They were all incredibly smart, and went to live in the forest for some strange, weird, completely odd and unknown reason. Whilst there every last one of them except for a single, lonesome male, were shot. The remaining Flying Baboon was mad by this, and for some reason he couldn't reproduce like the rest, let's say he was impotent or something like that.  He saw hunters shooting at him, and managed to dodge the bullets, and grab a gun of his own. I'm still not totally sure how he did this, but he did. Anyway, after arming himself, and  knowing how to fire the gun after seeing it get used once due to his super intelligence, he fired at the hunters, killing them. He then continued to this to all the hunters in the forest, protecting the animals from harm.

Well, that's it. The dream that came from my warped mind. If anyone thinks that I'm making this up, they'll just have to take my word for it, this was a real dream, scarily real, a fun one too. I am not lying, and there is no way that I could think of something like this whilst awake anyway.

If you're intrigued in learning more of these Flying Baboons, or wish to coincide with them, then join my faction by sending me an e-mail asking to join, and saying why I should let you in. Basically we oppose Cheesemonkeys, the scared religion of my friend, as they all suck lard. The Baboons are aggressive, and attack anyone whenever they feel like it, so watch your mouth around them if you're not one.

The God is the popular cartoon character 'I R Baboon', the first person who managed to conceal his wings from the untrained eye. Whilst many thing he's a fictional character, they are wrong. He's a legend in his own lifetime, a man whom we should all look up to and respect. The Flying Baboons will wipe out the Cheesemonkeys under I R's lead, and we shall become the one true superior faction on this Earth? Are you with me, or are you a Cheese-sucking-smelling-stupid-head-Monkey?

Here is a list of the honorable Flying Baboons, starting with the first people who joined and therefore rank, using their nicknames.