‘Twas the Night Before Trunksmas: A Christmas poem from Vegeta’s perspective

‘Twas the night before Trunksmas and all through the Capsule Co. house;

Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse

The dragonballs were set by the chimney with care;

In hopes that St.Trunks soon would be there

The Sayajin children were nestled all snug in their beds;

While visions of hentai fusion danced in their heads

With Bulma snoring loudly on her back;

I snuck downstairs for a midnight snack

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter;

I stopped bingeing to see what was the matter

Then I hurriedly slammed the fridge with a smash;

Tripped over a chair and landed with a crash

I got up and looked out the window, at the glistening white snow;

And the moon was brilliant from down below

When what, to my Sayajin eyes should appear;

But a Capsule plane, and some freaks dressed up as reindeer

With a lean sculpted driver, a teen heartthrob I knew;

I was sure it was St.Trunks, and definitely not Boo

More rapid than Freeza his coursers they came;

And he got up and stood there and called them by name:

"Now GULDO, now BAATA, now JEICE, and CELL;

On GARLIC, on BROLI, on GINYU , on DABURA, the demon from hell!"

"To the top of the roof! To the top of the tree!

Go find Goten a bathroom, so he can go pee!"

As Yajirobe would dare never to try;

The warrior "reindeer" then began to fly

So up to the top of the roof they flew;

The fake reindeer, and St.Trunks too

And then in an instant I heard by the tall pine tree;

A little boy had begun to pee

As I sat with a sigh, my head in my hand,

"Why did Goten have to fertilize my land?

"Now I’ll have to go out, freeze my tootsies, and take him home.

Why am I never left to binge alone?"

But before I had my hand on the door handle;

I thought I saw the flicker of a candle

So I turned around, and to my surprise;

Was St.Trunks, and I couldn’t believe my eyes

He was dressed all in denim, in purple and black;

And he had a silver sword set upon his back

With a bundle of Capsule presents in his sack;

I thought he looked like a psycho, his lilac hair all slicked back

His eyes---so blue, his smile---so sweet;

And he had a cool attitude, from his head to his feet

But suddenly, I realized Bulma was awake;

And we suddenly both began to shake

So I told him, "Trunks-Claus, I’ve always wondered, who might you be?

‘Cause I’ve always wanted to meet you, you see."

"As a kid, I always wanted a Goku action figure doll.

You know, him being my hero and all."

"Oh please Trunks-Claus, give me one thing.

Please get me that doll, I’m so desperate, I’ll even sing!"

"I’ve wanted it my whole life, I need it so bad

It was the one childhood joy I never had"

And Trunks-Claus looked at me in worried disbelief;

Sighed and gave me a present to keep

My eyes were merry, all aglow;

And I gave Trunks-Claus a hug, you know

He had a sickened, mortified look on his face;

And suddenly I felt my heart begin to race

It was Bulma and Bra, and Goten inside;

Dressed as though they had nothing to hide

Bulma shouted, and then there was a moment of silence;

I had covered my face, ‘cause I thought she would resort to violence

She screamed, "Is this a dream? Is it really true?

I can’t believe it’s Trunks-Claus, it’s really you!"

Bulma ran over and gave him a kiss;

And I don’t think that there’s a spot she did miss

And then the fire, in the fireplace gave a crackle and a hiss;

And Bra was the only one who saw something amiss

Bulma then excitedly cried, "Oh Trunks-Claus! Can I have a toy train?"

I laughed and said, " And while you’re at it, get Bulma a brain!"

My wife looked at me with questioning eyes, very hurt, and indignant with surprise;

And then giant tears welled up within my eyes

And then I started, "I admit it! I admit it! I want lots of things! Barbies, pink tutus, and diamond rings!

Some lipstick, a Jigglypuff, and a flowered hat, and yes, I admit it, I admit it, I still want all that!"

I was red with embarrassment, and I broke into a sob;

And my eyes got all blurry, my vision the tears did rob

But Trunks-Claus just looked at us very strange, it was something in his eyes;

A look of bewilderment, terror and surprise

And just at that moment, he began to run;

But Bra then realized that he was her brother, Vegeta’s son

So she called out to him, "Hey, I know now! Trunks-Claus, you’re my bro!"

And St.Trunks paused and nervously replied, "What are you talking about...um....NO!!!"

But Bra quickly decided to take action;

And embarrass him more, to her own satisfaction

"Oh Dad," she said "I don’t think you’ll ever really care

But I know the real St.Trunks isn’t my brother, and he doesn’t have purple hair."

Blushing deeply, abashed, Trunks tried to flee;

And suddenly I was inspired, overcome with glee

"Oh thanks!" I cried, "Trunks, this is the best Christmas present I have ever had!

I never knew I was Trunks-Claus’ Dad!

"Yes!!! Now I’ll get all of my toys!

And I’ll be one of the most popular boys!"

Trunks said, "I didn’t think he was this dense, this is pretty sad

And no offense, but you’re scaring me Dad!"

"Well, why did you do it?" Bulma did remark,

"You know you shouldn’t be out after dark!"

So Trunks started his story anew;

About how Master Roshi was the real Santa Claus, with his reindeer crew

"But tonight," Trunks said, "At Goku’s house, I was hired to stand watch;

I heard a noise, aimed, and hit the intruder, a perfect bulls eye, in the crotch."

"Little did I know it was Roshi "Santa Claus";

I knew he couldn’t move, and I was the cause."

"After hearing the moaning the reindeer left;

And taking a bag of presents they committed a theft."

"So I had no choice but to take his place, you see;

And all the world’s children are counting on me!"

"But before I could go;

I had to give Goku’s presents, and I snuck in, you know."

"And as I put the presents aside;

Goten woke up, saw me, and I’m sure he would have cried."

"So I had to take him along, you see;

And it was a pretty long flight, so he had to pee."

"So we stopped right here, in the milky white snow;

Because Goten exclaimed "I have to go!!"

Well, the rest of the story you pretty much know;

I didn’t think you would care, and I guess it shows

"I’m sorry!!!" he exclaimed with a sob;

And a tear rolled down the cheek of the anime heartthrob

"That’s ok," They all said;

And Bulma added with a smile, "I’ll put Goten to bed."

"Well, I’d better get going," said Trunks with a smile;

"And I hope this little spectacle was really worthwhile."

So then he filled the stockings, one by one;

And then Goten sleepily said, "Goodnight, Trunks-kun..."

Trunks smiled and charged up his ki;

Went up the chimney, and then waved at me

He flew to his plane, to his team he gave a shout:

"My work here is done, let’s all move out!"

"I’m going to visit the rest of the Z crew;

And Goku had said, "Merry Trunksmas" from them to you"

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fight!"

Written By Vana Derderian

Age: 13

12/5/99