By Underfaker
Wow, been quite the hectic time around here, hasn’t it? ToT was
shutdown for a bit, files got lost and now Ms. Meri is back in action. So I have decided
to write an editorial to commemorate the return of Temple O’ Trunks to the internet
landscape.
This is a format that has existed for a long time for us people that write columns like
this. It allows you to cover a variety of subjects in one writing. Pretty nifty, eh? So
now I present to you...Random Thoughts.
-My DBZ toy collection is steadily growing by leaps and bounds. My sister bought me almost
all of series 7 (the one with the weapons and Dragonballs) and quite a few figures from
other series. My collection now has Piccolo, SSJ Goku, SSJ Gohan, SSJ Vegetto, Frieza
(Form 4), Chibi Trunks and a figure that is Krillin with hair. These toys are pretty cool
in my opinion. However, the point of this Thought was the names of two characters had been
changed. “Buu” has now become “Boo” and “Mr. Satan” has
become “Mr.Savage”. The Satan/Savage thing I expected because mothers in America
weren’t about to allow their children to buy a figure called “Mr. Satan”. I
don’t quite get the Buu/Boo change, unless it makes it easier on the kids to spell.
Or something.
-My new favorite villain in all of DBZ is Broly. Simply because, this man is ONE BAD MOFO.
You do not f*ck with Broly. I watched Movie 8 again, when the Z-Team first faced Broly.
This guy beat the living hell out of our heroes for 25 FRIGGIN’ MINUTES. It
didn’t matter who you were. Piccolo, SSJ Goku, SSJ Vegeta, SSJ Gohan or SSJ Trunks.
He took all of them on and then ripped them apart. Granted, he maynot be the most
intelligent villain but he became my favorite with a few simple words- “Monster? I am
no monster. I am the Devil.” My friends, you can not buy material like that. Has
there ever been a villain in DBZ that gave these people that much damn trouble? At least
with Buu there was Gotenks and Vegetto or the Spirit Bomb. No one could stop Broly. Goku
tried his little KameHameHa trick. Broly took it right on the chin and then knocked Goku
around like his bitch. Gohan got thrown through a few buildings, Trunks met a subway rail
head on, Vegeta got FUBAR as did Piccolo and Goku. And it took all of them to give Goku
enough energy to punch through Broly. I eagerly await the day when I see the movie where
Broly comes back, but not as the Refugee From Swamp Thing.
-Does anyone remember that one scene when Piccolo blasts Nappa and Nappa yells, “You
rat! How dare you shoot me in the back!” and Piccolo replies with, “Oh, I am
sorry...I thought that was your face!”, then Vegeta laughs like a maniac. That quote
would have been 50 times better if Piccolo had shot Nappa in the ass. Think about it.
-Does anyone out there need MP3’s for music videos? I’d gladly supply somebody
with some songs just to use some decent music, but I'm more partial to classic rock songs.
In fact, the top 10 songs I'd like to hear in a music video are-
1. “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC
2. “Mama, I’m Coming Home” by Ozzy Osbourne
3. “Voodoo Child (Slight Return)” by Jimi Hendrix
4. “Little Wing” by Stevie Ray Vaughn
5. “Thunder Kiss ‘65” by White Zombie
6. “The Thing I Hate” by Stabbing Westward
7. “Evenflow” by Pearl Jam
8. “Epic” by Faith No More
9. “I Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In” by Kenny
Rodgers and the First Edition
10. “I Love It Loud” by KISS
Can anyone help me out here?
-To you Subbie freaks out there, I've gotta say this. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY WITH
YOURSELVES. You just had to keep pissing and moaning about how bad “Rock the
Dragon” was...and you just wouldn’t be happy until you got more screwed up then
you already were. See, us dubbies were happy with “Rock the Dragon”, but the
subbie fanatics had to keep complaining. So what does FUNimation do? They give us A
HORRIBLE THEME SONG. A horrible theme song that we didn’t need because WE WERE HAPPY
WITH ROCK THE DRAGON! So now you morons have messed it up for the rest of us and I just
hope you are happy with yourselves.
-Alright, am I the only one who is thinking that the DVD Subbed DBZ is NOT going to live
up to the hype? Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. Personally, I've been looking forward
to this DVD, simply to see what 15 million people have told me I am missing. Some people
have been calling it deliverance from the stupidity of FUNimation, but let me ask you
this: How many episodes are going to be on YOUR new Bible? Is the DVD just going to do
Season 1 of the American version? Will some episodes be left out because FUNimation can?
Do you honestly think that this DVD is going to instantly have every single episode of DBZ
up until the end of Majin Buu? I’ve just got a bad feeling about all of this and I
hope I am wrong. You just have to remember, anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong. For
that matter, will the movies be moved to yet another DVD format?
-To further explain a compliment that I made in “Response to Vegetto EX’s
Column”, maybe Goku said everything to be sarcastic. Since he was so much more
powerful than the other guys were, maybe he could afford to be an asshole.
-If you have not bought the first tape of Garlic Jr. Saga- Black Water Mist, then you do
not know what you are missing. It has some of the funniest damn dialogue I have ever
heard, including another quote that I am adding to my personal favorites, “I HOPE YOU
LIKE BLACK AND BLUE BECAUSE YOU ARE GONNA BE WEARING IT FOR A WHILE!!!”. The epic
battle between ChiChi and Marron is funny as hell and a quick banter between Krillin and
Master Roshi, when Krillin becomes worried about Marron’s safety, is priceless.
(Krillin- “Darling!’; Master Roshi- “Right here sweetie!”)
-You know, stupidity between webmasters and FUNimation seem to be a two-way street. Take
for instance a comment from Planetnamek.com, that tells the people to “not buy the
dubbed, wait for the subbed DVD. Maybe this will show FUNimation that more people want the
subbed!”. I explained this before in an earlier column that FUNimation does not need
you to buy their tapes to get money. I’m sure the people at Planetnamek.com are going
to tune in to Dragonball Z on Cartoon Network as sure as I am. And when they do, their
viewership is translated into ratings. Higher ratings mean that the show can force
advertisers to pay more money to allow their commercials to run during DBZ. So in the long
run FUNimation still makes money! You can’t stop them! They want MONEY, not feedback
for people wanting subbed instead of dubbed.
-Ever heard of the saying that sometimes you have to beat something into someone’s
head to make them understand? I was reading DBZ: Uncensored today...a very good site that
tells the difference between Japanese and American DBZ episodes. And one of the
webmaster’s pet peeves was that when Vegeta and Nappa destroyed things, it never said
they killed anyone. You know... “Fortunately that section of the city was
abandoned.” Or “They got the cargo robot!”, and this person was in a rage
about it! Anyway, back to the first sentence, someone that recaps wrestling shows named
Scott Keith (a certifiable genius, by the way) created a neat tool for describing the
situation of WCW. I think this tool can be applied to the hatred of people when FUNimation
edited out the killing of people. It’s called “The DBZ Sledgehammer of
Plot”. Simply put, if they don’t think you get something, they’ll hammer
the plot into you. In the Japanese version, they felt the need to tell people that Vegeta
and Nappa were evil, in case anybody was too stupid not to get it. So they used “The
DBZ Sledgehammer of Plot” to hammer the fact home that the Saiya-Jin were evil by
having them kill a lot of innocent people. People, we KNOW that Nappa and Vegeta are evil.
We were told they were evil and we BELIEVE it. We don’t need them to kill a few
thousand people to reinterate that fact! We don’t need to see them evaporate a few
cities just to know that they ARE BAD MEN. The same can be applied for Frieza saga and
when he kills all the Nameks. We know that Frieza is evil, we don’t need to see his
minions destroying them and their children. But no, some people feel that this needs to be
hammered into our heads because we can take the subtle hint that the bad guys are BAD
GUYS. Hell, Japanese DBZ wouldn’t know subtle if a man ran through the streets with a
flamethrower, setting Japan on fire, wearing a shirt that reads “Mr. Subtle” and
screaming at the top of his lungs, “MY NAME IS MR. SUBTLE AND I AM NOT BEING VERY
SUBTLE RIGHT NOW!” And you know its true.
I reckon that will do it for now...tune in next time when I write more and you continue to
read it. Until then, keep reading ToT and give Ms. Meri more hits!The Super Texa-Jin,
Jonathan “Underfaker” Lindsey