DBZ Hypocrisy, by Underfaker

Hi gang...been a while since I wrote an editorial, so I figured I might as
well start another one. You know, I’ve talked about a lot of things around
here... DBZ Cult, Women in Anime, Dubbie stuff... so I figured I’d go ahead
and talk about one of the biggest things in DBZ. Hypocrisy. Been there and
done that, but this is the second verse, different from the first.


First off, I’ll talk about the History of Trunks, considering how this is a
Trunks site. From what I’ve heard, its a good show, definitely worth
checking out. From the clips I’ve seen, the voice acting is good and (shock
of shocks!) the music is good too. Now, we’ve heard everyone and their dog
talk about how bad it was for FUNimation to use bands such as Master P,
Slaughter, Bootsy Collins and Dream Theatre (DREAM Theatre. Not Dreamworks
Theatre). I found it quite funny how someone said that FUNimation was in
the wrong for using an 80’s band, such as Dream Theatre. News Flash guys-
The original music is much closer to the 80’s style than Dream Theatre.
Dream Theatre is a good band. I grew up in a household where MTV was THE
shit. I’m talking about old school MTV that actually had music videos and
the occasional cartoon/variety show/odd music thing. Yo! MTV Jams,
Headbangers Ball, Remote Control, some Speed Racer...THAT was MTV. As such,
I grew up on 80’s music, like Dexy’s Midnight Runners, J. Geils Band, Huey
Lewis and the News, Men Without Hats...shit like that. Dream Theatre is a
good band. In fact, my sister still has an original Dream Theatre cassette
tape that we listen to today. The funny part is, we laugh at it today, when
it was the shit back in the 80’s. I can’t WAIT until the day when everyone
laughs at how gay Green Day, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, Smashing Pumpkins
and Garbage are. Anyhow, the music is good, no matter what the DBZ Cult
tells you. Of course, pick up a copy and decide for yourself.


I guess the thing I’ll hit on next is original DBZ music. To me, its not
all that. It sounds like it was made on a garage sale special JVC keyboard.
“The music is blaring all the time, when there should be silence!”
Nonsense. The only time there should be silence during a scene is when it
convey’s extreme emotion, sets up for a surprise/scare or shows how much of
a badass you are. Silence while Trunks slices up Freeza- Good move.
Silence when Captain Ginyu first appears- Good deal. Silence when Freeza is
mouthing off to Nail- Umm...not so good. Silence all the time kills the
mood, just as much as too much music can. In fact, with the original
Japanese score, the only time something sounds right is when someone is
making an ass of themselves. Like when Ginyu takes over Goku’s body and
walks around on his tip-toes...THAT’s comedy!


Next on the hitlist- DBZ Uncensored. Now, Chris is probably a fairly nice
guy, don’t know cause I haven’t met him yet. However, he writes like an
ass. First off, he does backflips when they finally call Saiyans monkeys,
but gets pissy when Frieza calls Goku a primate. Umm...primates ARE monkeys
or something with monkey-like qualities. Now is the time when I could say,
“Open mouth, insert foot”, but I’m not that kind of person. I don’t know
about you, but when Frieza made the crack about Goku being a monkey and
asking where he will run to today, it was funny. Of course, the DBZ Cult
doesn’t understand “American-ized” humor that everyone gets, but they laugh
their asses off at huge sweatdrops on people’s heads. I think its pretty
funny how he gets mad that Porunga doesn’t make mention of how he
reconstructed Krillin’s body and clothes, free of charge. I’m sorry, this
is important how? How does this little piece of info GREATLY CHANGE THE
FACE OF DBZ FOREVER?! I mean, the same mention wasn’t made for Yamcha and
Chaozu, who were blown into bits. While we are at it, have you noticed that
nearly every episode has at least 3 exclamation points in the title? Very
odd to say the least. My very favorite thing about Japanese DBZ is how they
ruin the next episode. “Is this Goku’s end?!?!”...next episode on
Dragonball Z- “Goku’s Alive!” Kinda ruins the suspense. And fuck that
“well, most people had already read the manga and knew the story already, so
it doesn’t hurt to give away the next episode”, no fuck you. I haven’t read
the manga, so I think I have a legitimate complaint here. “The Proud
Saiya-Jin Vegeta Dies”. Gee, thanks for ruining that, you peckerheads.


Another thing that really bothers me, and it really grabbed my attention to
yesterday’s episode. Cell was announcing the Cell Games and Yamcha
announces that he must train. Yeah, because Lord knows that if YAMCHA
doesn’t train, WE ARE ALL FUCKING DOOMED. C’mon, lets be serious. Yamcha,
Tein, Chaozu...might as well write them off. If your title doesn’t include
“Super Saiyan” or makes a refrence to a musical instrument, you might as
well not even show up.


I guess the next bit will be the voice acting. Did you notice how when
nobody knew who the voice actors were, they were grade-A prime shit? But lo
and behold, a few phone conversations and suddenly Chris Sabat and Sean
Schemmel hung the fucking stars and the moon. You know who you are.


The last piece will be truly sad. Everyone complains how bad the DBZ dub
is. Jesus, have you ever watched the Pokemon dub?! Every single fucking
time that Pikachu does a Thundershock, they slow the animation for it way
down and it ends up looking like shit. Or worse, they take that part out!
Why? Three words- Episode Number 35. The infamous episodes where Pikachu
shoots out Thunderbolts to blow up missles, causing thousands to re-enact
scenes from “Saturday Night Fever” and “Breakin’ 2- Electric Boogaloo”.
Okay, that was a bit of a cheap shot, but because of that one part, we get
denied. Hell, I’m surprised the Gallick Gun vs. KameHameHa battle didn’t
get slowed down. That thing was giving off light pulses like a streetlamp
on crack. But no matter how great the comic relief on DBZ is, they will
never...EVER compete with Team Rocket. Extra points if you can recite the
entire thing. Super Bonus Points if you can recite the Japanese version. I
assume the Japanese version rhymes in Japanese, because it sure as hell
doesn’t in English.


Well, we had a few good laughs and I’m sure to receive a good amount of hate
mail because of it. But only because I love you people. Writing these
things is a labor of LOVE!


Until next time,
Jonathan “Underfaker” Lindsey
The Super Texa-Jin
“To ask us why is the pity of the world!”