By Joseph A.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! Gather ‘round, ‘cause Joe’s rambling again. But about what?, some of you might ask. Well, this is an all-purpose, general, all topic editorial and update on my views on the battle against the hated subbies.

To start, I have a simple statement. My views have changed. Now, before the dubbies let loose with their cries or traitor and Judas, and before the subbies declare victory at another slain opponent, I will explain. I have dropped all the gray areas of my beliefs and made them very black-and-white. I have decided that, yes, indeed, FUNimation is bad in some areas. For instance, the pathetic and fruitless attempts at humor. FUNimation, I am sorry, but 10 year old jokes and puns that are so weak and awful they can scarcely be called puns just don’t cut it. And yes, they need to stop it with the attempts at coolness. The narrator saying stuff like, "Krillin in da house!" is not something I will not allow myself to be subjected to. On the list of Top Ten Thing I Hate Most in Anime, it’s number three, right after Number One, Relena Peacecraft of Gundam Wing, and Number Two, Dorothy Catalonia of Gundam Wing. They have committed numerous other offenses in the category of awful attempts at coolness, e.g. "Mondo cool," or "Dirty dog," ad infinitum, ad nauseum. ‘Nuff said.

By now, I’m sure you’re thinking that this is an anti-FUNimation editorial. WRONG! I said that FUNimation was bad in some ways, not in all. I still support their censorship of violence and language. And, reading dome of the other anti-FUNi rants, I support it to and even greater extent. Some have said, more or less, in similar terms, that FUNimation is raping our beloved anime right in front of our very eyes. Come now, people! I knew that you subbies were incredibly stupid, and the dubbies that have said it shame me, but this is ridiculous. Let us momentarily toy with the idea that FUNimation actually let all the violence and language in the original Japanese version slide. Well, one of two things would happen to the so-called raped anime that we all know and love. One, the network censors would smack down the show right where it stood, and many of you reading this and the person who is writing it would never have heard of Dragonball Z. Then several of you wouldn’t have "graduated" from the dubbed version and gone on to complain and rant about FUNimation’s incompetence. Two, the network censors would have taken up the hatchets, axes, saws, and knives that you people accuse FUNimation of taking up so zealously and done a far worse job of hacking DBZ to pieces. I am not saying I am glad for FUNimation’s editing; some of it makes no sense. Still, things are far better than they certainly could be. So, apply the ½ brain cell that you people demonstrate to be your maximum thinking capacity and contemplate, oops, that’s to big of a word, I mean think about that. So there.

Now, however much I do or don’t support FUNimation and their sharp implements of destruction, I am becoming increasingly disenchanted with DBZ. Maybe it’s because the once blinding shine that DBZ once held is becoming dimmer in the face of newer and superior anime (Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo!, etc…), or maybe it’s because I’m just becoming bored with it. I don’t know what it is, but I am becoming disenchanted with it nonetheless. Now, subbies, this doesn’t mean that this is the last you’ve heard of me, I’ll post other editorials on other topics (if Ms. Meri would be so kind as to grant me that courtesy).

Anyway, speaking of disenchantment, who’s seen the new Sailor Moon episodes? I have, and people, I am not amused. I liked Serena as a ditz the way she was in the old episodes. She sounds excessively ditzy in the new ones.

Getting back to DBZ, the subbie responses to my editorial have been interestingly varied as far as intelligence and content go. Some try to insult me for my swearing (and to those who have called me on it, note the lack of swearing in this editorial), others try to just plain insult me. At any rate, nobody’s moved me. And as far as intelligence goes, the responses have ranged from incredibly, dumbfoundingly, stupefyingly, dumb to amazingly intelligent. By the way, to the moron who sent me the email that read simply, "What is your standpoint on subbies?", well, that took me 15 minutes to get over. Now come on here. I give and I give and I give, trying to get you people to understand, and still, you don’t listen. Most do, bot not this particular character. If you don’t know what my standpoint on subbies is, you need to be locked up or something. Those of you who at least appear to be lucid, I applaud.

I think I’ve rambled enough for one editorial. I will leave you with this. Subbies, whether it’s anime or something else, bad stuff happens to the things you like. Take it as it comes, and deal with the injustices that come your way. Because if you get this worked up this much over a simple TV show, you won’t last a second in real life. My final advice comes to you in the form of a song by The Offspring. Good people, they are. Smart, too. It applies to almost anything in life. Hey, one more thing. If someone could be so kind as to give me Greg Werner’s (the owner and operator of The Ultimate DBZ Information Page) email address, I’d be grateful. Later.

Until you offend me again,

Joseph A.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to the Disclaimer!

That’s right, the disclaimer!

This American, apple pie institution

Known as parental discretion

Will cleanse any sense of sarcasm or innuendo

From the lyrics which might actually make you think!

And will also insult your intelligence at the same time!

So protect your families!

This album contains explicit depictions of things which are real!

These real things are commonly known as life!

So, if it sounds sarcastic,

Don’t take it seriously!

If it sounds dangerous,

Do not try this at home or at all!

And if it offends you,

Just don’t listen to it!

-The Offspring