Big Brother - Week 2

DAY 1

The votes have been counted in, and by an overwhelming majority, Chao-zu has been voted out of the house! He has half an hour to gather up his bags, but with it being the much loved Chao-zu, who killed himself in vain to try to save the Earth, we will cut it down to 15 minutes, mainly because we think that he is a dildo.

Chao-zu has his bags under his arm after frantically rushing to get everything ready. He walks over to his good friend Tien, and pleads that all cameras be turned off so he and his friend can have a private word together before getting separated. We agree, and the two of them go into their room. Little did they know, we are lying sods, and they are complete suckers. We are broadcasting their conversation live to an audience of…erm…lots of people, and also the other participants in the house. The door is slammed shut firmly, and in walks Chao-zu with a tear forming in his eye.

“Why Tien, why?”

“Why what Chao-zu, my love?”

“Why did they vote for me? You told me I am the most popular person in DBZ!”

“Erm…..you are Chao-zu, it’s just that these idiots don’t realize it.”

“Yes, they all suck ass! Especially Goten!” Chao-zu shouted angrily.

Goten had been sitting with the others, watching patiently when Chao-zu said this, and jumped onto his feet in a fit of rage. Chao-zu continues to cry, as Goten kicks down the door. Chibi Trunks is on the floor, almost crying with laughter. As Goten walks in, Chao-zu and Tien realize that the event was getting broadcast live, and went bright red.

“You bitch Chao-zu! I kick yo bitch-ass for saying that bitch stuff about me!” Goten yelled.

“Bitching!” came Chibi Trunks’ emphasis on the word. Vegeta slapped him round the back of the head, and Trunks realized that this is Gotens moment, not his.

“Anyway, you are gonna get your ass kicked Chao-zu!” Goten started.

“I’ve had enough of your bullying! It’s time to give you some punishment of my own!” Chao-zu squeaked. Goten laughed, then kicked Chao-zu in the face, knocking him flying through the wall, and into some distant, far-off land.

“Bitch!” Goten shouted.

“Well done Goten, you kicked that bitches ass all other the floor, you did a bitching good job.” Goku exclaimed.

“Yeah, that was seriously bitching!” Trunks agreed.

“Speaking of bitches, where’s my wife, Bulma?” Vegeta asked. Everyone started laughing as  DBZ characters do at the end of the episode.

“How long till this episode finishes?” Goten asked, still chuckling to himself.

“Erm….about a page” Goku answer, continueing to laugh.

“Guess we’ll be laughing for a long time then” Vegeta exclaimed.

“Bitching” Tien said grumpily.

“That joke is over now you fool” Vegeta shouted, his laughing starting to wear off a little.

“This aint funny anymore” Goku decided.

“I agree, let us stop laughing” Vegeta nodded.

“Thank God! That was getting damn tedious!” Goten and Trunks said at the same time.

“Anyway, we were mocking Tien for his bad sense of timing were we not?” Goku reminding everyone.

“Ah yes, I remember. Tien, that joke wasn’t funny, the novelty has worn off, the great depression was funnier than what you just said!” Vegeta yelled.

“Erm, what did he just say” Goku asked. Silence….

“I forgot” everyone said at the same time.

“D’oh!”

“Hey, stop saying stuff at the same time as me!”

“No you stop saying stuff at the same time as me!” The argument went on for while, with them all saying things at the same time, until Tien tried to kill them all with a KI blast. Obviously, being the weakest of the lot as he is, there was no effect on anyone.

Gohan and Piccolo walk from out of their bedroom, looking very flustered at being unable to sleep, what with all the noise and all. They see that Tien is the source of the noise, so they do a double blast at him, knocking him into the wall.

“If anyone wants us, we will be smoking weed…” Gohan started, but was interrupted by Goku.

“Gohan, what have I told you about saying things like that!”

“Sorry Dad. I’ll try again, but say it better this time. If anyone wants us, we will be smoking some bitching weed in our bedroom”

“That’s much better son, well done.” Goku proclaimed. Everyone laughed, even Piccolo, even Tien, but when the others saw him laughing, they quickly used their superior speed to give him an atomic wedgy that he will never forget. Everyone laughs, then they go back to their usual conversing.

“Well, now that Chao-zu is gone, we have to pick on someone else” Goku said, thinking carefully.

“I vote Goku” said Vegeta in a low voice. “Yeah, let’s pick on Goku!” Vegeta said in a high pitched voice, chuckling a little. “I wholeheartedly agree” Vegeta comprehended in another slightly different voice.

“Damn, looks like everyone picks on me then” Goku said thickly. “Go ahead, do your worst.”

“Ha, if I didn’t want to pick on Tien so much, then I wouldn’t admit to fixing it elaborately so that you would be picked on, but as it is, I change my three votes to Tien.” 

“Thanks Vegeta, you’re a real friend.”

“Erm….I don’t think it fair that one man gets three votes.” Tien argued.

“Shut up, it’s all very logical when you think about it” Vegeta shouted.

“Oh, in the case then….”

“Yes, oh you stupid three eyed moron!”

“That’s pretty true, cruel, but true Tien said sadly.

“Let’s put him in an isolated room with Bulma!” Krillen shouted out excitedly, finally breaking his silence.

“Good plan baldy” Vegeta laughed. He then tricked Bulma into walking into the room, saying there was a super spec high-tech computer 3000 in there. She then blatantly pointed out that there was no such thing as one of those, but she didn’t realize until she was locked in the room. Vegeta then KI blasts Tien, and pushed the door open, throwing his limp body in there, then stepping back. Screams can be heard as Bulma seduces the helpless Tien. Everyone laughs, as  another day begins to come to a halt.

DAY 2

Everyone rose early in the morning, due to some loud screaming sounds coming from an isolated room….Tien. They had forgotten and him and Bulma, after locking them both in. Not even he deserved this, but they really couldn’t care less, so they just pointed and laughed for a while, until they got bored. Breakfast was scoffed, as has become the custom in the house as of late. After a very quick meal, everyone scampered off to their daily activities. Nothing of note came until strange sounds were being heard from the room of Goten and Trunks.

“OH, YES! Goten, suck it!” Trunks yelled out.

“Is that good for you too Trunks my man?” Goten asked.

“You betcha!”

Vegeta happened to be strolling past during all this, and was shocked to hear what his son was saying. He presses his ear hard against the door, and listens in.

“Whoa, that’s big one!” Trunks remarked. Shocked at the happenings, Vegeta burst through the door, ready to kill his kid.

“You’re out of the family kid!” Vegeta yelled, ready to strangle his son. He sees none other than Goten and Trunks, measuring KI blasts, and trying to suck lollipops in a faster time than the other one. “Oh, sorry, I though you were doing something else” mumbled Vegeta, before making a swift exit from the room. He was not seen again until the end of the day, when he rushed into bed, still bright red with embarrassment. Trunks and Goten never did understand what their dad was on about. The day ended, fairly uneventful. Cast your votes quickly, not too long remaining!

DAY 3

A knock at the door of the Big Brother house at the crack of dawn awakens many of the patrons there. Tien groggily staggers over to the door, and pushes it open, rather clumsily. A man pushes a package into his arms, and nods. Tien nods back automatically, although he had no idea who was at the door. He takes his package, and opens it. ‘Dream reader 2000’ was on the label. There was a small screen, and a small piece of headgear. Tien decides to test this out, so sneaks into the room of Goten and Trunks, knowing that they will sleep through anything. He looks around, and just about manages to sneak in before Goku and Vegeta come past in their underwear, scratching their rear ends, wondering what the brash knocking was. They think nothing of it, and start lying on the sofa, eating junk food, and watching TV. Bulma joins them shortly afterwards, making them go and get dressed before sitting down again.

Tien discreetly makes his journey through the kids bedroom, and stops at Goten. He carefully puts the helmet on him, then giggles to himself as he sets up the equipment. The big brother cameras zoom into the look on Tiens evil face, then focus in on the screen as a picture begins to come into focus. A huge turkey comes into view, with Goten standing above it, licking his lips. He munches it down in seconds, then strolls over to a throne. He sits there while servants bring him toys of all kinds.

“Damn” Tien muttered, frustrated. “There’s nothing in the slightest bit bad about what’s going on through his mind! Maybe his friend is a little different…….”

Tien takes the helmet from Goten’s head, and places it onto that of Trunks’. He laughs evilly as he watches the screen. It has a young boy – Trunks – and his small friend – Goten – getting up to escapades and mischief. There stands a huge monster of a man, twice the size of any eternal dragon. This man would be a Cyclops, were it not for his third eye. It…it’s Tien! He is roaring in a way that scares everyone…that is everyone except for the little kids. They turn super saiyan, then fly at Tien with incredible speed, beating him senseless. Trunks suddenly goes SSJ 3, for no apparent reason, and starts to beat Tien to a living pulp. This angers monster Tien, and he starts to cry, then runs off.

Meanwhile, the real life Tien is watching the screen with an intense hatred. He sees a smile come upon  the kids face, and if it wasn’t for him knowing that it would be impossible for him to kill him on the spot due to being too weak, then he certainly would. He storms out of the still silently sleeping kids room, and goes to Gohan and Piccolo’s. He dumps his equipment down hard, then pushes the helmet onto Piccolos head aggressively. Being so much stronger than Tien as he is, Piccolo doesn’t even feel the impact, and continues his deep sleep. Tien watches closely on the dream reader.

Dream Piccolo is playing on a skipping rope with his little friend Gohan. They laugh, then run along, and start to sniff flowers. They do everything that Piccolo’s hardman exterior would never allow him to do in real life, and they get great fun from it.

The real life Tien smirks, then gleefully clenches his fists. “Yes, this is the moment that I have been waiting for! I chance to exploit Piccolo!” Suddenly, his expression changes, as on the dream machine, walks a tiny little midget kid, with a runny nose, lots of spots and….three eyes. It’s Tien once again! Frustrated, the real life Tien stomps up and down for a while, until realizing that it is totally pointless. He continues to gaze onto the screen.

“Mr Piccolo” the real life Gohan said, as he tugged at the Nameks trousers “That kids a nerd, let’s kill him”. Dream Piccolo laughed, then blasted a special beam cannon through the head of dream Tien. Dream Gohan rolled around on the floor, laughing for a while, then got up, and stamped on dream Tiens corpse.

Real life Tien couldn’t watch anymore, so he took off the dream cap from Piccolo, and dryly put it on Gohans head. He watches, trying to calm himself down. On the screen comes Gohan’s dream.

The dream seems to be about half way through, because Gohan is playing with a dolls house, and most of them are already broken. All of the dolls resemble something. They are real life people. A Chao-zu doll lies motionless on the ground, whilst a Tien doll runs around, frantically trying to escape the dream Gohan. The destroyer of dolls laughs as he crushes all the dolls, and smokes pot. He then turns to Tien, and crushes him slowly, and agonizingly. He screams out in pain, before eventually snapping in half.

Real life Tien gives an annoyed shout, and runs out of the room, with tears filling his eyes. He sulks in his room until the evening meal.

***

Everyone sits down, awaiting the food. When it is dished out, it is scoffed down faster than a fat bitch who sat down to fast (Heh, good old eminem). Tien sits quietly, then finally plucks up the question that he has been wanting to ask for a while.

“Do all of you guys want to kill me?”

“YES!” shouted everyone except Bulma. Tien looked towards her, and she smiled.

“I just wanna seduce ya honey!”

“ARRRRRGH, why did you have to get kicked out Chao-zu, I'm stuck with madmen! I’m outta here!” Tien screamed, before running into his room, shedding tears.

Somehow I lost the rest of this week which is very unfortunate, but check out week 1 for more comedic capers with the DBZ Big Brother team. 

>>> Go Back To Week 1