Not For You - Fan Fiction

by Deadly Beauty


Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing 
you hadn't? Or saying nothing and wishing you had?

Well obviously saying nothing.

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.

Damn straight

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other 
person was too afraid to let you?

I think the appropriate phrase here would be ‘I was to afraid to let me’.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of 
rejection was too hard to handle?

Duh! Stupid quotes, who think these things up anyways.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid! That’s it, that what I am. A stupid 
loser with nothing left to live for. I don’t know why I even bother.



Her eyes curiously leapt over the page as she read and re-read the same few 
lines over. Was this really how he felt? No, it couldn’t be, he was always 
so happy and cheerful, he just couldn’t have morbid thought like this 
floating around in his head.

Running her hands over the smooth paper she sighed. The first few lines were 
written nicely enough in red pen. But the last sentence, beginning with 
stupid, was written in big messy letters with a red marker. If he really 
felt like this, then he needed some serious help. And if it weren’t for the 
fact that she was snooping around his bedroom, she never would have known!

She knew she shouldn’t read on, these were some of his most private thoughts 
and she was invading them, he would never do that to her. Never, not in a 
million years. Yet she had already begun, and she just had to continue now.

It was back to nice writing again now, written with a red ballpoint pen.



You know what? Right about now I am totally ready to die. I wanna wish back 
cell and die at his hands. To die the same way Goku did, but that wouldn’t 
be right of me. So many people, so many people that I could do nothing to 
help! All because I am a stupid weak human, I’m no Vegeta or Piccolo, I 
don’t know how I managed to survive with them around all these years. God 
knows I don’t deserve to survive around them.



A deep scowl settled on 18’s uneasy face. This was very disturbing, she was 
seeing Krillen in a whole new light, and she didn’t like it one little bit, 
but something was compelling her to read on. Maybe it was the thought in the 
back of her mind that if she read on enough she would be able to help him. 
Flipping the page of the small black book she read on.



And then there’s her! Dammit, she does it to me every time and I hate it. I 
hate that I love her so much. Every time I see her my heart beats faster. 
I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s just infatuation and that I’ll get over 
her, but it’s been 8 months now and I just keep loving her more.

But it’s all in vein, for she doesn’t feel that same at all. All my attempts 
to start conversations are shot down. And do you think I’ve ever gotten a 
thank-you for a single nice thing I’ve done for her?

But my love just won’t go away!

If only I was a better person, maybe then she would like me. But I don’t 
have the rugged looks of Yumcha; hell I have no looks at all. Or the brute 
strength of Vegeta. Or the wisdom of Piccolo. And Goku, well I can’t pick 
out just one good thing about him, but if I could, I wouldn’t have it.

As far as it goes this planet has no need for me, I am just a waste of space 
that nobody wants to know and has no time to love

As I said before. I want to die.

Not like anybody would miss me anyway.



She flipped the page, but it was blank. That was all there was. 18 breathed 
a sigh of relief; she didn’t know how much more she could take. Many 
thoughts were flooding her head, could she have really been this oblivious 
to Krillen? And did he really think of her that way. She didn’t try to be 
cold hearted towards him, it was just who she was. Plain and simple.

Suddenly she had an idea, pulling open the bedside draw she found a blue 
pen, and as soon as it touched the paper, the words were flowing freely from 
her mind. She wasn’t stoping to analyse what she was writing, like she 
normally would. Just letting the words escape her head in their rawest form.



Krillen,

What in the hell are you doing thinking like this, its absurd, ridiculous, 
stupid. CELL! Are you insane? I don’t care what the hell is going on inside 
that brain of yours I don’t want you considering that for even a single 
second. Is that clear?

And besides, there are lots and lots of people who would miss you a lot. You 
shouldn’t think that you are a waste of space Krillen, you are as important 
as anyone else, whether they are more powerful than you or not.

Where is it along the line that you lost so much self-confidence in 
yourself? Why do you regard yourself lower than bugs?

And why do you think I hate you so much? If I don’t talk to you every single 
day, or I don’t thank you, you need to realise that that’s just the type of 
person I am. I don’t think you should get mad at me just because you see 
things in a totally different light to me.

Krillen please stop thinking about your-self this way. It’s not healthy

#18



Shutting the book, she placed it carefully back in the draw and crept out 
the room. She felt horrible about what she had just done, but she also felt 
it necessary

***

"Ka-me-ha-me-ha!" the powerful blue sphere shot forward, then up and 
straight back down, destroying several nearby trees.

"Much better" he muttered to himself as he wiped his hands on his gi.

"Krillen, what the hell did you just do to my garden?" asked Yumcha as he 
came out the front door. Krillen turned around and rubbed the back of his 
head, grinning sheepishly.

"Ah, sorry. I guess I just got a little carried away, that’s all".

Yumcha looked at his friends for a few seconds before he burst out laughing. 
"It’s cool man, I’ve destroyed the back yard already, I didn’t think it 
would last much longer out here". Krillen joined Yumcha in his laughing, it 
continued for almost 3 minutes.

Looking down at his watch, he groaned. It was getting late, he had to go 
home, had to go back to her. He didn’t want to face her, it was just too 
hard to live in the same house as her, and love her so much and not be able 
to tell her. It was slowly killing him.

"Yumcha man, I gotta split. Same time next week ok" he said, and without 
even waiting for Yumcha to reply, he blasted off into the sky.

"Yeah, c’ya" said Yumcha as he turned and headed back into his house.

***

It was just past sunset when Krillen arrived back on the small island. The 
sky was beautiful shades of pinks and oranges that only came out at dusk, 
and for a brief moment, Krillen’s world felt all right.

Then he saw her. 18, in all her amazing glory. She was on the front porch, 
doing some stretches before she began her sparring session with the air. 
Krillen felt his breath catch in his throat, 18 was dressed in a pair of 
white sweat pants and a black tank top. She had her hair pulled back into a 
ponytail to keep it out of her beautiful blue eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he put on his brightest face and headed for the porch.

"Hey 18. Have a good day?" he asked as he climbed the 3 small steps.

"It was…" she paused for the right words "enlightening". She added a small 
smile as an attempt to make Krillen feel better, it was so clear to her now 
just how bad he was feeling. Her eyes had been opened today.

Enlightening, what the hell was that supposed to mean. Oh well, he wasn’t 
even going to think about it. Flashing her a big grin, he headed inside for 
a long hot shower.

***

18 could hear the shower running in the small bathroom that adjoined 
Krillen’s bedroom. She floated in front of the open window and peered 
straight into his spotless bedroom. Her eyes searched franticly for any sign 
or indication that she had been in there earlier that day, but she couldn’t 
find a thing. Next she wondered if she would have time to go in there and 
rip out her little entry in Krillen’s journal. She knew he would be mad when 
he saw it, and she didn’t want to see Krillen mad. She had him up on a 
pedestal over everyone else and the thought of having her perfect image of 
him crushed scared her.

She didn’t notice the shower had stopped, or that Krillen had come out the 
bathroom.

"Uh 18, what you doing there?" he asked, blushing profusely. 18 double 
blinked and looked at Krillen, then she quickly averted her eyes, a blush 
tinting her cheeks as well. Krillen was only wearing a towel around his 
lower half, and though 18 had only seen him for a split second, she had 
noticed just how well built he was, with his rock hard abs and muscly arms. 
18 didn’t understand why the women weren’t hanging off him.

"I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m here. I’ll go" said 18 and she quickly 
disappeared.

Shaking his head, Krillen shut the window and turned to find some clothes. 
He pulled on some baggy grey sweat pants then headed for this bedside table, 
to fetch his journal. But when he opened it, he found a rather shocking 
surprise.



18 sat on the roof above Krillens room. ‘Ok 18, just act natural, he might 
not even get angry. I mean, it’s Krillen we’re talking about here, he 
doesn’t get mad at you... not at you’. 18 stood up on the roof and looked 
out at the sea, it was dark now and the only way to differentiate the sky 
from the water was by the faint colour change and the lights of the ships 
far out at sea. She didn’t believe her sub-conscious, what did it know, but 
then again, it was her, maybe she was right. Looking down at her hands she 
realised she was shaking.

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