When Hell Freezes Over - Chapter 5

‘There’s no way I can put Vegeta on the phone, it wouldn’t work he hates Yamcha…’

“HELLO? Vegeta be a good monkey and put Bulma on” came Yamchas voice on the other end of the phone

‘That wasn’t a very nice thing to say… even to Vegeta…’

“Look Vegeta, tell Bulma I haven’t got all day to play games with her pet psychopath, if she doesn’t want to speak to me she should tell me that herself…”

“I AM NOT HER PET!!! HOW DARE YOU??? For your information Bulma is…. Out shopping for groceries, yeah, and… and when she gets back I doubt she’ll want to speak to a looser like you….” Bulma couldn’t believe the nerve of Yamcha, implying that she’d sent Vegeta to do her dirty work, and being so mean to him ‘I wonder if he always speaks to Vegeta like this’ she briefly considered and then was woken up again by the voice on the end of the phone…

“Whatever ideas you’ve got about Bulma you can get rid of them! She’s mine and I’ll be damned if I’ll loose my girl to a freak like you…”

‘How dare he!’ a sickening realization dawned on Bulma ‘He won’t marry me but he won’t dump me cos he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either’

“You insufferable jerk...” was all she said quietly before she hung up the phone and turned to Vegeta.

“Did you hear any of that?”

Vegeta nodded silently

‘Oh no, now she’s going to ask me if I like her or some thing…. GREAT’

“Does he always talk to you like that?”

Vegeta wasn’t expecting that.

“Yes, he only shows me proper respect when you’re around… pathetic lap dog scared of his woman…”

“Yeah, you’re right” Bulma said softly and left the room to go watch some mind numbing television.

Somehow Vegeta sensed that she was best left alone right now… plus he preferred her company when he could get a good argument out of her, right now she was too…eerily calm.

Bulma settled on watching a documentary on lions… it had been a difficult choice, if someone were to walk in on her watching a soap Vegeta would never live it down and right now she was feeling more than a little sorry for him. She had always thought that Yamcha had been making a real effort to get on with Vegeta, now she saw it had all been a show for her. She felt stupid for a little while and then she decided if he came to the house she would go outside and literally kick him off her property.

‘That wouldn’t be too out of character for Vegeta and it also means I don’t have to deal with him for this next week at least… this whole mess might pass without any real glitches after all, what a relief’

Just then Vegeta entered the room having realized that now he was in Bulma’s body he was free to observe these ‘soaps’ that the woman was always watching without looking too ridiculous. But first he had to get the woman to leave the room… ‘How to do this tactfully?’ he thought for a minute and then barked

“Woman leave the room I need some time alone with the television!” ‘Nicely done Vegeta, next time thought don’t give the whole thing away!!’ he thought annoyed at himself, he just didn’t seem able to talk to this woman in a civilized way…

“I beg your pardon? This is my house and if I want to watch TV then I will!! What would be so bad about sitting with me and watching it anyway? It’s not like I’m watching soaps or anything!!” Vegeta froze for a millisecond considering whether he was really that transparent.

“Woman can you not for once do what I ask of you without giving me hassle?!?!”

“You didn’t ask me Vegeta you ordered me! If you can’t act like a civilized person I’m never going to treat you like one am I???”

“I am a prince! I shouldn’t have to say your stupid pleases and thankyous, it’s a chikyu tradition and I’m… not… HUMAN!!!”

Bulma’s ears were hurting from the sound of her own shrill voice… she would have to retreat for the moment… at least until the ringing stopped. But she couldn’t resist getting one last pop at him before she left the room-

“Prince of a dead race and a destroyed world… ooooh …IMPRESSIVE!!”

She regretted it as soon as she said it and didn’t dare to look back to see the reaction it got.

Vegeta was fuming, he knew his race was dead and he had no kingdom, but that wasn’t the point! Why couldn’t the woman see that what made him a prince was not any of those things… it was in the very blood pumping through his veins… that prestigious blood that would ultimately lead him to his goal of becoming the strongest fighter in the universe! And here he was trapped in a weakling body, unable to even threaten her, he just had to sit there and cope with this, this INSOLENCE!!!! He had to have revenge but how???

Just as he was thinking, Goku materialized right in front of him.

“Gosh Bulma you look angry! Has Vegeta been up to his tricks again?”

For a moment Vegeta felt like ripping his irritating head off… but then he saw his revenge…

“Kakka…I mean 'Goku’” Vegeta flinched at having to use his ridiculous earth name…

“Wha..?” Goku was confused; Bulma had known him all her life. Why would she suddenly call him kakkarot?

“I’m… sorry Goku I just hear Vegeta use it so often…”

“Hey that’s alright Bulma. I guess that’s my name too. Hey, maybe I should combine my two names and be called like kakkagoku or something… you think Vegeta’d like that??”

“ Err… I don’t know…”

“Or how about gokurot”

“Well that one kind of sounds like a fungal infection…” Vegeta replied, amused with himself

“Yeah but at least it doesn’t mean knickers!!” Goku snickered

‘Touché’ thought Vegeta and laughed along

“Ooh ooh I got another one! Vegeta sounds like a typa weed killer!!! Ha ha ha!!!” Goku was practically rolling around on the floor… Vegeta of course was furious

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE NAME OF THE ROYAL FAMILY OF VEGITASEI!!!”?

“Gosh Bulma, I didn’t know you were so attached to mine and Vegeta’s heritage!”

Vegeta instantly saw his mistake, stopped trying to throttle Goku and said

“I’m not it’s just… if Vegeta heard you say that he’d kill you and I don’t want you to die… cos you’re my….’friend’” Vegeta practically coughed the last word out.

“Gee it’s real nice of you to worry bout me Bulma” Goku scratched the back of his head absent mindedly “don’t worry though, I can handle Vegeta”

‘I’m going to kill you kakkarot!’ Vegeta silently chanted in his head

‘Gosh those two must really finally be getting it together… I’ve never seen Bulma get so defensive over someone before… at this rate trunks’ll be born early!!’

Goku grinned to himself and Vegeta wondered what the goofy expression was about until he remembered his revenge…

“Goku, would you like to spar with Vegeta?”

“Sure if he’s not busy!”

“oh Vegeta’s never too busy to spar… you know what he’s like…”

“Yeah you can say that again! But Bulma I thought you were still dead against me and Vegeta sparring since last time…”

“Aww what’s severe structural damage and a broken collar bone between friends? Go on ya big lug knock yourself out!” ‘literally’ thought Vegeta.

“Well if you say it’s ok! See ya later Bulma!!” Goku phased out again

‘He always has to show off with that instant transmittion trick! Since when is walking not good enough for a low class idiot like him? Ah well at least for once his being her serves a purpose’ an evil smirk spread across Vegeta’s face and soon turned to hysterical, evil laughter… until he got bored of that and decided to watch more TV

Meanwhile, Bulma was in her lab… looking over her fathers work on the reversal method while he was on his break. Goku materialized behind her and looked over her shoulder before chirping

“Hey Vegeta whatcha up to??”

“Aargh!” bulma screamed startled “gok.. I mean kakkarot you fool!”

“Sorry Vegeta I just didn’t know you were easily startled like that… you usually have nerves of steal” ‘something funny really is going on here..’ thought Goku

“That’s no excuse kakkarot!!”

“Hey like I said I’m sorry… anyway whatcha reading that had you so engrossed that you didn’t sense me coming?”

Bulma pushed the plans away from Goku’s vision

“Uh…. Nothing you’d want to read kakkarot, lots of numbers and advanced calculus.. Yeah”

“Hey! I’m not that dumb you know, let me see I like math!”

‘damn chi chi she’s probably been making HIM study too!! Think fast Bulma!!’

“Err.. But … there’s a picture of a needle on that page!!”

Goku screamed like a girl and backed away from the desk

“In that case I’d better get straight to the point so we can get outa here!”

“Well hurry up kakkarot I haven’t got all day! My time is precious you know!” ‘I’m really getting the hang of this being Vegeta thing!!’ she thought, proud of her achievements.

“Oh I’m sure you can guess why I’m here”

‘Oh dear kami no…’ she knew the only reason Goku ever came to capsule corps was to…

“You wanna spar??”